My favorite comment to make whenever a graphic is displayed showing how many yards Arian Foster needs to surpass Travis Henry on the school’s all-time rushing list: “But how many children does Arian Foster need to surpass Travis Henry?” It gets a laugh about 25 percent of the time, which is a really high number for me. This, of course, coming from someone whose fantasy football team name is Sons of Travis Henry. Infidelity: always funny!

A disappointing 4-5 start to the season. I really thought Tennessee was going to cover the 7 1/2 points and help me finish above .500 last week following the interception return just before halftime, and then Phillip Fulmer and Rick Neuheisel went to their respective locker rooms to do some coaching. We saw how that turned out. To the picks:

South Carolina (-10.0) at Vanderbilt: Oh, I should have mentioned this earlier: the world is ending. The following actually happened, and I couldn’t believe it.

Reporter: Steve, what did you think after watching Clemson lose to Alabama?

Spurrier: I probably shouldn’t comment on that one.

Me: (has disbelief-induced heart attack)

Steve Spurrier refused comment when given the perfect opportunity to belittle his rival. Folks, this is why we need South Carolina to win. Spurrier isn’t going to rip a team that beats him. He can’t even rip Vandy right now because of last year’s debacle in Columbia.

Pick: South Carolina wins big, Spurrier says they were lucky to win and Vanderbilt is a great football team and so are Clemson and Tennessee and Florida and South Carolina State and Phillip Fulmer is a genius and Peyton Manning is awesome. A nation then weeps.

Central Michigan (+24.0) at Georgia: Did some research, and I found out that Chippewa is a popular adaptation of Ojibway, which means “to roast till puckered up.” I don’t know what that means but it doesn’t sound good. Also, Clemson beat Central Michigan 70-14 last year.

Pick: Georgia covers

Tulane (+30) at Alabama: This is what I imagine Nick Saban did after granting Mark Richt permission to watch the game at the Georgia Dome.

Saban: Honey, get this. Richt wants to see his kid Saturday night at the Dome. And to think, he probably needs to break down tape of Georgia Tech’s new offense! They play in like three months! Weirdo!

Saban’s wife: Well, that is sweet of him.

Saban: Yeah, but I just wouldn’t have time for that! Makes me glad we didn’t have kids.

Saban’s wife: We have two children. They’re pretty grown up and everything.

Saban: Oh.

Pick: Tulane covers

Southern Miss (+17.5) at Auburn: Tommy Tuberville is wrong. We have seen this style of offense before. The year was 1923.

Pick: Southern Miss covers

Miami (+21.5) at Florida: Backhanded compliment of the year nominee: “We’ll face arguably one of the best personnel teams in the country.” — Urban Meyer on Miami. I’m sure the Miami coaching staff appreciates it.

Pick: Take Florida

Ole Miss (+7.5) at Wake Forest: I think this line was three touchdowns before the Alabama-Clemson game. The National League West even thinks the ACC stinks. Wake Forest, which blew out Baylor last Thursday, will be presented with the ACC championship trophy at halftime of Saturday’s game.

Pick: Take Wake

Louisiana-Monroe (+13) at Arkansas: Enjoy this one, Razorback fans. Next four games: Texas, Alabama, Florida and Auburn. As King Philip of Spain once said, “Yikes!”

Pick: Arkansas in a rout

Last week: 4-5

Remember that time last year when I went 55-29-2?: 55-29-2

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